Connection and Deception

It’s programmed into us… the desire to be close to God, to connect with Him in deep and intimate ways. To know through experience and to exchange with Him from our hearts to His heart. Raw and open and abandoned. We don’t always recognize it, the desire… the need for God. We’ve been deceived. Humanity […]

Repressed

The numb nothingness is overwhelming unbearable. It’s a state of existing on the border of life and death where striving is the only way to barely survive. Each breath is heavy and labored a struggle, without passion. Drained of energy, weak and worn, tired but searching in vain to find the pain. The pain would […]

Found

Today God found me a mess- he always find me. He has been placing His hand on an area of my heart that I have held with the same understanding of my whole life and He is changing my theology…. not my theology necessarily, but how I see Him and who He actually is versus […]

Triggered

It comes out of no where. At first it’s faint like a hint of a familiar scent on the breeze, tugging at the edges of my blurry memory. Then suddenly it magnifies, overwhelming all of my senses, his hands wandering, trespassing, violating. I freeze, I’m a professional- I’m working, I can’t be thinking about that […]

Cry

God I want to be free. Give me liberty, give me life and hope and love and truth. Let me breathe again. Let my heart beat once more. Let songs cascade from my heart past my lips to fill the atmosphere around me with worship. Let me be lost in your embrace. Surrendered to your […]

Let’s go

Sometimes it feels like I’m falling- falling asleep- falling deeper into the depths- drowning but not wanting to wake up not wanting to recover. I’ve lost so much ground in this battle- there’s been so much compromise. Sometimes I just give up and give in I close my eyes and then the true torment begins. […]

Demons

They choke me and tempt me. They torment and harass. Their whispers are a cacophony to my ears and the tinnitus drives me to insanity. They push me past the edge of the cliff and I fall far far far. They tell me that I’m too far gone that He can’t hear me, that He […]