I forget to remember

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God you have blessed me with so much and while it is easy for me to get lost in the whirlwind of thoughts that are in my mind your truth still shines through, even on darkest nights.

Let me tell you, this journey hasn’t been easy. I have been hurt by people- someday I will probably get comfortable enough to put it on here even- my story. So many people have crossed my path and many of these encounters have changed my life forever. My mind automatically defaults to thinking of all of the bad ones, the people who used, abused, took and wounded.  I was today reminded that there are other people you have placed in my world.  People who love me unconditionally, people who want what’s best for me, people who pray for me.  These precious people who only give and lift me up.

Yet my mind is somehow tainted. I keep waiting to be let down or discouraged. I warn myself not to get attached or let my guard down. Yet all these emotions I have taught myself to hide and supress somehow come pouring out in a messy jumble infront of them. They just go on loving me anyway, encouraging me and lifting me up. My mind tells me they won’t want me as soon as they find out how broken and dirty I am. Yet an open invitation is always extended as I cross the threshold to leave, unconditionally, sincerely.  I didn’t listen to the voice that warned me not to get attached, I even once tried to run from these people. I didn’t want to get hurt, I need to remove myself so I would be safe. I kept my distance for six months and yet when I saw them again fell right back into the same rhythm. 

God this journey has been so strange its like my life is a pair of railroad tracks on the right is the work you are doing in my life and on the left the schemes of them enemy. I you’ve done many great things and gotten me this far and the enemy has attempted so many times to derail me, but his efforts just bring me closer to you. I know at some point uo ahead there is a fork in the road and I am going to lose some of the things about me that I’ve adopted as my identity,  but because you have adopted me that shall be my identity everything else is just breath in the wind.

Your hand is a force at work in my life, breaking through the dark. Like the headlights that light my path.

This journey. I forget to remember.

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