“You only hurt as much as you love”, my grandmother stated as I walked out the door of her house.
It was a ruff weekend, we burried two of our furbabies in her yard. They both had passed in my arms.
I don’t know what it is about me, I fall in love with life so fast. Its as if my heart doesn’t even know that I spent a little under two months getting to know the tiny creatures, before I had to say goodbye.
It makes me think about my king, my Jesus.
Daddy God is love.
The pain that Jesus endured to redeem and reconcile all of us back to God’s love relationship is unimaginable.
But I think it’s worth it for love.
I get this picture~
My heart is a beautiful piece of polished glass, flawless, perfect, whole.
My heart is niave and blind, it falls in love so quickly, jumping into the fire.
My heart beats and waves of love reflecting Gods heart go out like a shock wave with every pulse.
With every rhythm the heat burns hotter, the flames burn brighter.
My heart smiles, all of the glory to God.
With the face of my heart towards God my heart is constantly renewed and recharged, stronger.
But then sometimes things change unexpectantly.
A cold tongs rips me away from the fire and plunges me head first into icey cold water.
Hot glass in cold water shatters.
I break, stunned by the brutal abruptness of the event, mourning the loss of the love I had found and lost in a sea of uncertainty, I break.
I would love to say I have arrived at a place of unwavering consistancy in my walk with Papa God, but we aren’t there yet. Foundationaly He is always my rock, but sometimes my house has walls, sometime my face is downcast, sometimes I’m broken.
But just as suddenly as I was torn fron the kiln, I appear on a table in a pedestal.
I don’t understand why I’m here, broken glass is useless and is always thrown away before it can hurt someone.
But God isn’t afraid of my sharp edges.
He comes close.
Intense eyes staring at me, unwavering, he sees right through me.
He comes closer.
I feel like I’m falling apart, loose pieces of glass chattering against each other.
He comes closer still and just when I feel like I will be undone he consumes and wraps around my heart filling all of the cracks with himself.
I look down and all that has fallen off of me is the pieces of me he never intended me to be.
The list goes on and now my heart is still broken, but it is broken and whole. Broken for love, broken in love.
Love is the best burden to carry with Gods heart ❤